And the Lord said, let there be space

Last autumn, amid anxieties about the environmental consequences of America's fondness for capacious, petrol-sinking sports utility vehicles, evangelical Christian groups in the midwest sponsored an advertising campaign designed to bring the morality of the issue into crisp focus. Its tagline was "What Would Jesus Drive?"

The answer people were intended to come up with, and test on their own consciences, was some kind of eco-friendly, frugally powered hybrid vehicle, almost certainly without bull bars and unnecessary chrome trimmings and quite possibly with a simple cassette/radio rather than a boot-mounted, six-CD autochanger. It would also have a very sympathetic and reasonable horn.

However, some scholars were inspired by the campaign to conduct biblical research in this area and, shortly after the advertising campaign began, a number of interesting findings were published. According to one piece of scriptural analysis, God was to be discovered behind the wheel of an old Plymouth: for, as the Bible explicitly states, "God drove Adam and Eve from the garden of Eden in a Fury."

There were also found to be plenty of biblical precedents for the Old Testament use of British motorbikes: for example, "Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land" and, still more openly, "The roar of Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills."

As for Jesus, scriptural evidence tended to point to his ownership of a Honda saloon, though there was some suggestion that he was embarrassed about it, or at any rate wished to conceal the fact. In the Gospel according to St John, Christ tells the people, "For I did not speak of my own Accord."

Later, though, the same gospel says, "The Apostles were in one Accord" - a statement that seems to confirm the fact that they followed Jesus's example in their choice of automobile, and which additionally provides the earliest historical evidence we have of car pooling.

So did Christ drive an Accord? And if so, would he be interested in trading it in for the new one? Or would he prefer to set it aside now and go over to a Mazda 6 or a Nissan Primera, which are the Accord's chief rivals in the mid-range saloon or "repmobile" sector?

After a week in an Accord, it is my impression that the Son of God might find the Honda a little too full of itself for his own purposes. He would hate the horn, too, which is cacophonous and inclined to go off almost on sight. Yet he would probably come to regard the Accord as a sensible and appealing choice for others in what is a very competitive area.

True, it lacks the Primera's on-board camera to make reversing simpler (or, if not simpler, then at least more amusing). And its body lines probably aren't as sharp as those on the Mazda 6. But it has a certain kind of power and rep-friendly prestige that might just tip the balance in its favour.

Generally, at the moment it appears to be the aim of every new car in this particular sector to look as much as it possibly can like a VW Passat, and then to ring the changes by fitting slightly different brake lights or a more or less fiddly radiator grille.

True to form, the Accord seems to have the front end of a Passat in all but name badge. If one of these were to drive straight at you on a pedestrian crossing - which, being a repmobile, it would be quite likely to - you'd need a very quick eye indeed to distinguish whether it was a Honda or a VW.

At the back, though, the thick-ended boot is chopped off almost vertically, creating a tougher look, not to mention a positively cavernous storage space. Any salesman would be impressed - even a salesman required to carry samples of traction-engine parts along with his overnight bag and jacket.

The interior of my Accord featured more black leather than you are likely to see in a Berlin club on a Saturday night. It also had a shiny, black, marble-effect dashboard which lent the interior something of the flavour of a bachelor's soap dish. And the doors closed with a gratifyingly weighty (and apparently salary-linked) chunk.

What with the silver metal in the doorhandles and around the edges of the windows, the car looks thunderous and rather opulent on its 15in alloy wheels, seeming even to have the heft of some of the fatter German cars driven by people further up the company ladder.

The fact that it slips through traffic like a snowboard, then, is both a small miracle of engineering and another sales point in its favour, given the aggressive needs of its target audience. The Accord comes with a 2.0-litre engine and - perfect for light-jumping contests - is very snappy from a standing start.

Though you wouldn't say the engine whispers, it does at least keep its voice down to a respectable, conversation-enabling mumble, which is all that one could fairly demand at these prices. Jesus would still be looking to shop elsewhere, but the reps at least shall be in one Accord. Each.

• Life and style
• Motoring

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